A Guide for Shidduchim
What are you looking for? they wonder And in between the coming and goings, they find an answer- this! She's cool, they nod, appreciatively, fun to be with. Or the like.
But who wants a "cool" wife? In other words, who really thinks that cool is the definitive google-searching keyword for a soulmate?
For what one wants as a wife, as a mother, as a grandmother, is much beyond cool. But there, at the lemonade stand, she is sparkling and interesting and cool, and this is enjoyable. And this is distracting. "I want... this!" you find yourself thinking, as your "logical" mind shakes its head and rolls its eyes.
"If, as a mother," it argues,"If she is sparkling and interesting and cool, fantastic. But as a grandmother, as a mother, as a wife, you want someone who is humble, and kind, and giving, and loving. And organized, and sensible. With an authentic energy bursting from within. A joy, a simcha."
"Though coolness can be conducive for simcha, and being true to one's self and one's passion surely holds sway," your other half argues. A sensible argument, indeed. Score one for sparkles. The logical mind nods its head, true. "Good point. Is that what you are seeing here? Are the passions directed in the right direction? Do the other qualities exist?" Sigh. You turn around to take another look.
Sparkles distract the mind, and that is how it is programmed to be, with a little voice inside of you saying- "but.... but... but what about this?" (if you listen).
For the old game of this world is that there are short term enjoyments and perks and there are long term deep joys, and the mind is the medium, the cantankerous,old marriage broker between your values and your desires, tirelessly attempting to merge the two. A grand effort, but a worthwhile investment. And only a few minutes of actual thought required. But what fun is thinking?
One must beware, on the search for a beshert, between the short term and the long term decisions, temporary haven and eternal edifice, there must be a sacrifice.
A sacrifice of sparkles.
But the grandest jewels, with the more thought out decision, will come, later on, much later on, if you can wait, if you can listen.
But who wants to wait ?!