To become a mother is to let go of the certainty
That you can do it all
That you can ascertain for certain, as hard as you may try, complete certainty, assurance that all is in order
You would stay up all night, watching for the breathing, making sure they are fne, if you could,
but instead, you let go and go to sleep.
How free of u.
But now, now that I am working,
I have further let go
I have told someone else that they can watch my child for me
I have held my hands and arms up to the sky and admitted, Gd its in your hands
while I stare at the computer and do things that are not that important, at least not as important as you, my child.
And I come to pick you up and another full day has passed, and it's not fair because you have grown and I, I have missed out
We pretend that its all the same, that I have not really missed out on anything, as our lives separate, so quickly.
and I return to that cubicle, to work again.
No, you cannot do it all.
You cannot raise your own child and have someone else raise them for you. You must make sacrifices.
All I can hope for, is in the moments we still have together,
together we will still grow, one unit, separated by time, but always, always in love.