The right brain offers me gardens of delight and relaxation, while the left brain, being most definitely an essential element in terms of structure for my soul and physical dwelling, can become a great serpent menace when I lean on it too heavily, when I allow my right brain chocolate goodness to become depleted. When I stroll for way too long in the left brain, or when I cut down on my right brain activity, my brain starts to do a funny thing. It starts to say things that seem benign, yet strike me down. " You need to get curtains" it tells me, as I look up at my non-curtained windows in despair. The truth is, it probably says it something more akin to " Ah it's so ugly and embarrassing! The duct tape over the windows! What kind of home is this? You should be ashamed! Get curtains! Get curtains! Get curtains!" and then within myself I feel a heavy weight of " another thing to add to the list... I'm never gonna get that done.." and I start to despair even further.
This happens repeatedly ( the same thought ) everytime I see the windows (which is constantly, because we only have one room in our apartment other than bedrooms, and life becomes very bleak indeed. My inability, the ugliness, overcomes my senses.
Which is why today, overcome by the ridiculousness of curtains crushing my existence, I decided to fight back. "Find the opportunity in this sorrow" I whispered to myself. "See the other perspective."
"What other perspective?" I retorted back to this quiet self pushing within. "What good can be found in such mundane, trivial, berating?"
And then another voice added in a saying I have heard before, and deftly applied- " When you're anxious, it's Gd asking you to pray."
"Yes! " I exclaimed (within). "Yes! I will reward myself every time I have this intrusive negative thought. I will allow Gd to partake in my existence, I will ask him for assistance. I will not feel as if I am going at it alone, always struggling, attempting to control, attempting to conquer this unconquerable environment that is my home and my life. We will do it together."
And that's what I did. Every time I had a thought of something I needed to buy, something I needed and wanted to do, I would implore Gd to be a participant in this need. "Please Gd, help me find the right sheital!" I would cry within. " Please Gd, help me get curtains at the right time to beautify the home.!"
And all of a sudden, the right brain's door opened up, and the left brain ceased to swallow me alive, allowing me to exit, and things became a garden, once again, or at least just a little greener. Not that I found the right sheital, or the curtains magically appeared, or anything was solved. But I was comforted within the wanting, within the experience of being on the path and not at the final destination, of not having but wanting. Of not feeling alone.
Sometimes concrete is essential in order to create roads and sidewalks for humans to cross land on, but we must never forget the green, the right brain, the truth, the life of the matter, which is our sustenance. Anytime we are caught within the left brain, for too long, repeatedly cycling, we must ask ourselves that right brain saving grace-
Find the opportunity within this obligation.
Find the light.
Find the other perspective.
And a door, Gd willing, will open, just when you forgot that doors existed in the first place, just when you almost forgot that it's about the green, it's about the garden after all.