Digestion

Leaning over today to wipe clean a wall, I was struck by the realization that deep within me, I was cowering

Covered in fear, a baseline foundation of terror and dread and what if's? and could it's? and so this is how it could be..

lining my most internal unconcious/conscious layer,

as suddenly I have time to think

and the stories on FB and the videos, the protests and the riots,

the dead and the dead's mothers

their voices have been silenced all day

by little girls whining, and jumping, and giggling

but when gone, all I hear and all I see is them, deep within, an internal conversation that NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT

but what's left to say?

After we rant and we disagree and we watch and we mourn

Is this, this again?

Is this, antisemitism rearing it's head?

Not here, not now.. is this the beginning of something...

as the memories passed down, that we pledged, believed, insisted, could never happen again,

suddenly taunt us as we try to discern our next step, as the question rages at us:

WHAT DOES GD EXPECT FROM ME?

As we become more than a whining vessel, as we feel our pulse beat fiercely within us, we feel ourselves being called to attention

but attention for what?

Do more, do something, take on, go somewhere- DIG, DIG DEEP

Do it for our country, as we become intertwined with this conflict,

as our body flinches with every rocket that bounces off like miracle fire from every corner of our land

as we collectively mourn for the dead with the greatest pain our body can muster

as we feel sadness and yearning for a homeland

And we question Gd- what? What now?

As the little Chabadnik kinderlach take the center stage, yelling out their orders, their pesukim, with the greatest of gusto, and we yell back , ferociously : " SHEMA ! YISRAEL! HASHEM! ELOKEINU! HASHEM! ECHAD!"

And that final daled at the end, just rings on and ends suddenly, like a boot slapping against the floor, like a thud as we close the door, from who we were to who we are becoming, as we are CALLED. TO. ATTENTION.

To serve.

To serve what?

We listen,

intently.

Beat, beat, beat on. Israel, we beat with you. We are with you.