On Breathing

How do we find the space to breathe? How do we find the ability to move slowly?

As life starts to quicken its pace, my husband and I sit on the couch together and discuss hitting thirty, and what that means for our mortality, for our disbelief that we would ever get older, as life and children and worries and plans while around us. At last it's quiet, and we have some time to do this pondering, before the thunderous movement of little children in little cramped quarters and half steps here and there send us pounding back on what seems like a rat race, mouse wheel, turning so quickly.

How do we hold on? How do we stay connected? Where do we find beauty?

As the night quiets down, I find myself retreating inward, savoring the quiet moments, feeling grateful, and I wonder - can I find those more often, in the hustle and bustle? does it only come on Shabbos or Friday nights?

Because I know the answer isn't found in practical decisions alone.

It's not found in exercise alone ( which helps) or art ( which also does) or in connecting with friends, family, children, or husband ( all good and essential). There is no key. The key to breathing, I think, as I have time to finally go inward, is to connect with the real breathe of life.

Connect to the Breather.

For it's like at a dance party that's awkward until you start jiving together, or waves crashing on you from the ocean until you ride them... there's someone/something holding it all together, the center of it all, calling all the shots.

How do I connect with the Breather? With the UItimate Breath? Through slowing down to His rhythm, seeing things through His eyes, learning what it is He wants, doing His Will.

Because otherwise, this dance party of life is jarring. Is uncomfortable. Is too quick, too blinding. Because we're either on our time or His time. And we're either, in any second, 29, 30, 31, 32, or infinite infinite, infinite. And through our eyes,things are worrisome and uncertain and confusing and constricting but through His eyes it is just good, good, good, and flowing.

Just breathe, they say. But breathe, breathe with Him.